He takes tablets. Lots of them, medically prescribed, essential. To keep track of them, we get a thing called a Webster pack from the pharmacy each week. They are all sorted into days of the week and times of day. At first he used to remember to take them; gradually it has become my job to remember for him. It's part of my routine by now.
Morning and evening I release the required tablets from their package, put them into a special little bowl kept just for that, add a glass of water and present them to him. If he's having breakfast in bed I stand by him to assist; if he's eating at the table, bowl and glass go there and if need be I remind him they are there.
This morning he was in the kitchen — he was cooking our porridge, which he can still manage and likes to do. Instead of sitting down to take his tablets, he grabbed the bowl, took it to the sink, and poured himself a glass of water. It was only when I looked round that I realised he had put the tablets in the glass, poured the water in on top of them and was now trying to imbibe the lot.
After the first gasp, I shut my trap and let him get on with it. It took a few tries. I'll never know if he realised his mistake at any point. But, oh well, he took his tablets and that's what matters.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Everyday Weirdness
1) He looks at me all funny and says, 'There are two chairs in the bedroom. Why don't we put them outside?' (meaning in the yard).
'Because I want them in the bedroom,' I say. He looks puzzled, but shrugs and doesn't argue.
These two chairs have always been in the bedroom, in the 16 years of our marriage. We sit on them, we drape clothing over them, we pile things on them, the cats get on them ... not all at the same time, of course.
2) He asks me to print out some items from his computer so that he can take copies to a friend. When I look at what he wants printed, I find they are audio files from his iTunes list. I explain to him that it is impossible to print audio files; that one prints visual files. Instead I email the files to our friend. I have to send them in three separate emails because of the size. He fumes. 'This is silly!' he says.
3) He gets very anxious when the cats go outside to lie on the front steps and survey the (very safe) neighbourhood. He spends a lot of time trying vainly to coax them back inside, even tries to lift them in (but they evade him). When I ask him why he wants them inside, he can't explain. I'm not sure if it's the words or the concepts he can't find. He asks me to get the cats in. Sometimes I try. Mostly I tell him they're fine and will come in when they're hungry — as they do. He is not reassured.
4) I can't give an example, but sometimes he says things that make no sense at all to me. I try to understand, but he is unable to clarify what he means. (The reason I can't think of an example is because they are so incomprehensible, so nonsensical, that my mind can't retain them. There is no logical hook to hang them on. It's not even the Lewis Carol or Monty Python kind of nonsense which does make some sort of sense.)
5) He constantly complains that I keep him short of money. We have had a lot of expenses of late, associated with moving house, and our income will only stretch so far. He usually wants money to buy online programs that are going to fix his health and wealth forever. Sometimes they don't cost much and I indulge him because I think it will make him happy. (Not so sure of that actually, when I reflect on it.) But we are on a tight budget and often there is very little left after bills, food and petrol. Today we don't have available the 20-odd dollars he wants. But we do have enough petrol in the car and enough food in the house to last us until next payday, and we are up-to-date with paying off our bills. I tell him this, going into detail. 'Why are you so mean with money?' he demands.
'Because I want them in the bedroom,' I say. He looks puzzled, but shrugs and doesn't argue.
These two chairs have always been in the bedroom, in the 16 years of our marriage. We sit on them, we drape clothing over them, we pile things on them, the cats get on them ... not all at the same time, of course.
2) He asks me to print out some items from his computer so that he can take copies to a friend. When I look at what he wants printed, I find they are audio files from his iTunes list. I explain to him that it is impossible to print audio files; that one prints visual files. Instead I email the files to our friend. I have to send them in three separate emails because of the size. He fumes. 'This is silly!' he says.
3) He gets very anxious when the cats go outside to lie on the front steps and survey the (very safe) neighbourhood. He spends a lot of time trying vainly to coax them back inside, even tries to lift them in (but they evade him). When I ask him why he wants them inside, he can't explain. I'm not sure if it's the words or the concepts he can't find. He asks me to get the cats in. Sometimes I try. Mostly I tell him they're fine and will come in when they're hungry — as they do. He is not reassured.
4) I can't give an example, but sometimes he says things that make no sense at all to me. I try to understand, but he is unable to clarify what he means. (The reason I can't think of an example is because they are so incomprehensible, so nonsensical, that my mind can't retain them. There is no logical hook to hang them on. It's not even the Lewis Carol or Monty Python kind of nonsense which does make some sort of sense.)
5) He constantly complains that I keep him short of money. We have had a lot of expenses of late, associated with moving house, and our income will only stretch so far. He usually wants money to buy online programs that are going to fix his health and wealth forever. Sometimes they don't cost much and I indulge him because I think it will make him happy. (Not so sure of that actually, when I reflect on it.) But we are on a tight budget and often there is very little left after bills, food and petrol. Today we don't have available the 20-odd dollars he wants. But we do have enough petrol in the car and enough food in the house to last us until next payday, and we are up-to-date with paying off our bills. I tell him this, going into detail. 'Why are you so mean with money?' he demands.
Monday, February 15, 2010
Conversation. Not.
Not being able to have normal conversations with him distresses me. The lack of remark / response and so on, back and forth. It seems his mind doesn't grasp something the first time it is said. Sometimes it's not until the third try that he gets a handle on it.
He will sometimes look blank, sometimes try to look as if he's understanding everything, sometimes get the wrong end of the stick altogether. Not that the latter matters too much — if I wait a few moments it will be as if no words had passed between us at all, and he will ask me a question about the very subject I've just addressed.
We can still converse, but there are many days when communication feels like pushing the proverbial s**t uphill.
He will sometimes look blank, sometimes try to look as if he's understanding everything, sometimes get the wrong end of the stick altogether. Not that the latter matters too much — if I wait a few moments it will be as if no words had passed between us at all, and he will ask me a question about the very subject I've just addressed.
We can still converse, but there are many days when communication feels like pushing the proverbial s**t uphill.
Sunday, February 14, 2010
We Settle Down
New home, more security, some easing of financial pressures — we are both more relaxed, and it does seem to have a good effect on him. He's begun writing a new novel and it's reading well so far. No problems there with his thinking processes.
However I still have to go around after him and turn off taps, lights and the stove. And he seems more inclined than ever to forget things I have just said — to be unaware that anything has been said at all. And he is very illogical at times.
Yet, in other ways he seems to have an excellent grasp of things, and to remember a lot of stuff he needs to remember which I'd have expected him to forget. You just can't tell. My friend who described it as a 'shifting fog' was close to the mark, I think.
All in all, I think there is a very gradual deterioration but that many aspects of it have slowed right down. I think of my Dad, when younger than my husband is now, and I realise Dad was much, much worse. He had Alzheimer's of course, which is not what my husband has. But he does have some kind of dementia. I can only be thankful it's actually fairly mild and manageable.
The worst of it is his thinking that he can still do things he did when young. It's not bravado, I don't think, so much as just plain forgetting and being unrealistic. I have to be quite insistent sometimes about getting it through to him. He wanted to hitch-hike interstate to attend a family funeral he felt he should be at. He's over 80! I felt quite brutal as I pointed out that he needs a good rest if he just goes out for half a day.
Luckily he soon forgets both my laying down the law and his own impractical ideas.
However I still have to go around after him and turn off taps, lights and the stove. And he seems more inclined than ever to forget things I have just said — to be unaware that anything has been said at all. And he is very illogical at times.
Yet, in other ways he seems to have an excellent grasp of things, and to remember a lot of stuff he needs to remember which I'd have expected him to forget. You just can't tell. My friend who described it as a 'shifting fog' was close to the mark, I think.
All in all, I think there is a very gradual deterioration but that many aspects of it have slowed right down. I think of my Dad, when younger than my husband is now, and I realise Dad was much, much worse. He had Alzheimer's of course, which is not what my husband has. But he does have some kind of dementia. I can only be thankful it's actually fairly mild and manageable.
The worst of it is his thinking that he can still do things he did when young. It's not bravado, I don't think, so much as just plain forgetting and being unrealistic. I have to be quite insistent sometimes about getting it through to him. He wanted to hitch-hike interstate to attend a family funeral he felt he should be at. He's over 80! I felt quite brutal as I pointed out that he needs a good rest if he just goes out for half a day.
Luckily he soon forgets both my laying down the law and his own impractical ideas.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
The Medication's Been Changed Again
And after weeks of lucidity and coherence, warm companionship and good conversations, suddenly he's back to being a demented little old man. He often doesn't know what day it is; he often doesn't even know what week it is. I tell him things a number of times, because he forgets almost at once and asks about whatever-it-is as if I had not said a word.
Yesterday I noticed an awful smell in the laundry. The cats' kitty litter trays, I naturally thought. But no, they were clean. I opened the door of the big cupboard where we keep our cleaning equipment, and there on top of the container of Gumption was a scoop full of cat poo. Heaven knows how many hours it had been sitting there! We had a visitor at the time; I disposed of it quickly and discreetly.
Today I found an open tin of cat food sitting on the laundry trough, after he had told me there was no food for the animals and I'd dashed out to the shops to get some. He wouldn't have been demanding on purpose; he just doesn't have much idea any more.
Yesterday I noticed an awful smell in the laundry. The cats' kitty litter trays, I naturally thought. But no, they were clean. I opened the door of the big cupboard where we keep our cleaning equipment, and there on top of the container of Gumption was a scoop full of cat poo. Heaven knows how many hours it had been sitting there! We had a visitor at the time; I disposed of it quickly and discreetly.
Today I found an open tin of cat food sitting on the laundry trough, after he had told me there was no food for the animals and I'd dashed out to the shops to get some. He wouldn't have been demanding on purpose; he just doesn't have much idea any more.
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Changes and Passions
"He is not going to change," said the psychologist a couple of weeks ago – meaning that I am always going to have to deal with his recklessness about money. Not that it's a general recklessness, more of a fixation on particular things. He is such a sucker for marketing courses that will somehow make us rich overnight. He thinks there is some lack in him they will address, or some technique he doesn't know, that they will give him. If it's not outright marketing, then it's a spiritualised version of the same, which is supposed to make him so dynamic at manifestation that, again, all our financial problems will instantly be solved as if by magic.
A couple of years ago he drove himself to a heart attack, trying – at the then age of 78 – to keep up with a very intense, goal-oriented marketing program. That nearly cured him, but only temporarily. It endangers our budget as well as his health. However, I keep an eye on it and manage to keep it under control as much as possible. Sometimes he wakes up for himself. E.g. he convinced me that a certain meditation program on disc, with subliminal messages, was worth the money. It was a small outlay at first, and he did derive pleasure from it, though I could see little outward sign of improved health, concentration etc. Then came the wonderful offer too good to refuse – buy all the follow-up courses right now and save heaps, only a few thousand dollars if you accept by a certain date. Even one thousand dollars would have been way beyond us; also he was disillusioned. He imagines the entrepreneurs who offer these programs are humanitarians. He imagines he has a personal relationship with each one, and replies to their automatically generated emails in a personal, chatty way. He was disgusted by this offer, and it even stopped him from acquiring the advanced courses more slowly, as he had intended.
But anyway, there do seem to be changes. Is the beginner's disc, which he still uses, responsible for this? Is it the iron injections his doctor's been giving him for increased energy? Is it the recent changes in his medications? I'm not sure, but he does have more energy (a big tick for the iron injections) and he does seem to have a better grasp of things mentally, most of the time. He still needs help with simple computer operations he used to know, and still tends to forget recent conversations and not always know what day it is, but he doesn't appear to be in a general state of confusion. Far from it.
He's actually been writing articles, finishing them, and submitting them! This is wonderful progress. And it makes me realise something I hadn't fully "got" before - journalism is one of his passions. I've only known him as an ex-journalist who now writes fiction and memoirs. But the clues have been there, e.g. he has always continued to put "journalist" on his email signature and business cards. I would have said writing is a passion for him – and that's true – but I hadn't realised how much the actual practice of freelance journalism (he was mostly a freelance in his past career) would fill him with aliveness.
These are perhaps not the sort of changes the psychologist was talking about when she said he wouldn't change. I suppose he will always be longing for self-improvement and more wealth. When I met him he was a self-confessed "seminar junkie". He has simply transferred that to the internet. And I suppose it is very common for men of his generation to feel they MUST be good providers, and to measure that by pragmatic material standards. It's sad that he feels he has failed in this.
Another thing that is surely constant is his passionate desire to improve the world and help its inhabitants – something I share. We're both very inclined to be trying to save the planet. We belong to GetUp and Avaaz, we vote Green, we sign petitions.... This is one reason for his passion for journalism too. It's not just reporting stuff; his articles are designed to wake people up to the ways in which we can all improve our lives and keep our planet healthy.
Anyway, it's good to see him physically energetic and mentally confident and engaged.
A couple of years ago he drove himself to a heart attack, trying – at the then age of 78 – to keep up with a very intense, goal-oriented marketing program. That nearly cured him, but only temporarily. It endangers our budget as well as his health. However, I keep an eye on it and manage to keep it under control as much as possible. Sometimes he wakes up for himself. E.g. he convinced me that a certain meditation program on disc, with subliminal messages, was worth the money. It was a small outlay at first, and he did derive pleasure from it, though I could see little outward sign of improved health, concentration etc. Then came the wonderful offer too good to refuse – buy all the follow-up courses right now and save heaps, only a few thousand dollars if you accept by a certain date. Even one thousand dollars would have been way beyond us; also he was disillusioned. He imagines the entrepreneurs who offer these programs are humanitarians. He imagines he has a personal relationship with each one, and replies to their automatically generated emails in a personal, chatty way. He was disgusted by this offer, and it even stopped him from acquiring the advanced courses more slowly, as he had intended.
But anyway, there do seem to be changes. Is the beginner's disc, which he still uses, responsible for this? Is it the iron injections his doctor's been giving him for increased energy? Is it the recent changes in his medications? I'm not sure, but he does have more energy (a big tick for the iron injections) and he does seem to have a better grasp of things mentally, most of the time. He still needs help with simple computer operations he used to know, and still tends to forget recent conversations and not always know what day it is, but he doesn't appear to be in a general state of confusion. Far from it.
He's actually been writing articles, finishing them, and submitting them! This is wonderful progress. And it makes me realise something I hadn't fully "got" before - journalism is one of his passions. I've only known him as an ex-journalist who now writes fiction and memoirs. But the clues have been there, e.g. he has always continued to put "journalist" on his email signature and business cards. I would have said writing is a passion for him – and that's true – but I hadn't realised how much the actual practice of freelance journalism (he was mostly a freelance in his past career) would fill him with aliveness.
These are perhaps not the sort of changes the psychologist was talking about when she said he wouldn't change. I suppose he will always be longing for self-improvement and more wealth. When I met him he was a self-confessed "seminar junkie". He has simply transferred that to the internet. And I suppose it is very common for men of his generation to feel they MUST be good providers, and to measure that by pragmatic material standards. It's sad that he feels he has failed in this.
Another thing that is surely constant is his passionate desire to improve the world and help its inhabitants – something I share. We're both very inclined to be trying to save the planet. We belong to GetUp and Avaaz, we vote Green, we sign petitions.... This is one reason for his passion for journalism too. It's not just reporting stuff; his articles are designed to wake people up to the ways in which we can all improve our lives and keep our planet healthy.
Anyway, it's good to see him physically energetic and mentally confident and engaged.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Getting Somewhere
I have now tracked down the phone number for the Aged Care Assessment people (which took a bit of doing, due to many people being clueless that didn't oughta).
I have also just started seeing an excellent psychologist, on the Govt scheme for free appointments, to help with my own stress which has been considerable lately.
After just one visit (so far) to the psych, I feel very much clearer and have been able to make intelligent, realistic decisions in a way that enrols the Dear Husband in them too.
I have also just started seeing an excellent psychologist, on the Govt scheme for free appointments, to help with my own stress which has been considerable lately.
After just one visit (so far) to the psych, I feel very much clearer and have been able to make intelligent, realistic decisions in a way that enrols the Dear Husband in them too.
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